I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
