Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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