so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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