Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
