She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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