Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
