That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
