I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
