is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize