it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
