We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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