so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
