i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I need water and some morals
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
