I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
