Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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