i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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