I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
