I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
