my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize