if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
