I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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