Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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