Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
