it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I puked a lego.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
