I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
