Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
