I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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