we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
