have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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