you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize