forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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