I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
