ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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