Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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