If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just high enough for therapy.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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