I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i believe in u and ur pee
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
