:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
