Barsexuality is the new black.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
