Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
