He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
