At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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