how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
