my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
