Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
