i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
