u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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