toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You took a bar mat shot.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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