i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
