tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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