I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
