i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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