I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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