Sponge bath it is.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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