the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i believe in u and ur pee
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
