I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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