i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
