Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
