Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
