haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
