even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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