dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
