my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
