Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
