I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just pee around me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
