He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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