Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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