I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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