Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
